The Cullen's And Jacob's Private Chatroom
by Keira Higurashi
Summary: It's another IM chatroom It's my second fanfic. Plz give it a chance! What happens when someone hacks into the Cullen's and Jacob's chatroom? Chaos of course! R&R! WARNING THIS IS A PARODY Plz don't read if ur not goin 2 enjoy it.
1. Crazy4twilight hacks in

**My second fanfic! I know there are a lot of these, but give it a chance please! R&R!**

**The Cullen's (And Jacob's) Private Chatroom **

**After Renesmee Matured**

**Warning: Very Random!! **

**Character's usernames:**

**Iloveedward12: Bella**

**Mountainlion3: Edward**

**Beautifullyblond2: Rosalie**

**Totallyshopping9: (I think everyone knows who this is!) Alice**

**Bigandbad09: Emmett**

**Doctorlove5: Carlisle**

**Architect2b: Esme**

**Born2bwild: Jacob (*laugh* Sorry! I just had to put this as Jacob! *laugh*)**

**Crazy4twilight: ME! (Cool that I put myself in huh?)**

**Hale23: Jasper**

**LoveWolves6: Renesmee**

**Coldplaylover629: My sister (I had to put her in to make the story complete! She's also a special guest!)**

**TEAMxEDWARD123: (Guess who!) LUCY HALL (Special Guest #2 today!)**

**Okay, now that everybody has been assigned names….on with the chatroom!**

**Iloveedward12 is signing on.**

**Iloveedward12: **Ugh! I hate being alone in chatrooms! *reads newspaper* No freaking way! *reads some more*

**Mountainlion3 is signing on.**

**Iloveedward12: **Yay! Edward's here!

**Mountainlion3: **Hey Bella. Anyway, Emmett's coming to get you.

**Iloveedward12: **Why?

**Moutainlion3:** Well, he's going to take revenge for all those arm wrestling matches he's lost. ;-)

**Iloveedward12: **Aw dang!

**Beautifullyblond2 is signing on.**

**Iloveedward12: **Rosalie? Could you tell Emmett not to kill me?

**Beautifullyblond2:**……..

**Iloveedward12: **Rosalie?

**Beautifullyblond2: **DOG!!!! MUTT!!! I'LL. GET. REVENGE!!

**Mountainlion3: ***snicker*

**Iloveedward12: **What?

**Mountainlion3: **Jacob got food in Rosalie's hair again. *snicker*

**Iloveedward12: **What do you mean "again"?

**Mountainlion3: **It was when….. Never mind.

**Totallyshopping9 is signing on.**

**Totallyshopping9: **Where's Renesmee?

**Iloveedward12:** I don't know. Why'd you ask?

**Totallyshopping9:** I was going to do another fashion shoot, but she ran away.

**LoveWolves6 is signing on.**

**LoveWolves6: **Thank goodness I'm away from A-

**Totallyshopping9:** Finally! I found you! I was about to put you in such a pretty dress!

**LoveWolves6: ***shivers in fright* MOM! Get Aunt Alice away from me!

**Beautifullyblond2: **Alice, leave the poor……wait, did you just say _fashion?_

**Totallyshopping9 **duh!

**Beautifullyblond2: **Renesmee! How could you dare defy fashion!

**LoveWolves6:** Not you too!

**Doctorlove5 is signing on.**

**Doctorlove5:** I discovered a cure to cancer! Isn't that great?!

**Beautifullyblond2, LoveWolves6 and Totallyshopping9: **BE QUIET!

**Doctorlove5: **You know nothing! The world knows nothing!Life is SO CRUEL!

**Doctorlove5 is signing out.**

**Iloveedward12: **Who knew Carlisle was so emo!

**Hale23 is signing on.**

**Bigandbad09 is signing on.**

**Bigandbad09: **Hey Jasper the emo dude!

**Hale23: **Why does everyone think I'm emo!Life is SO CRUEL!

**Hale23 is signing out.**

**Totallyshopping9: **Wait for me Jasper!

**Totallyshoppin9 is signing out.**

**Totallyshopping9: **I guess it's like father like son.

**LoveWolves6: **Does that mean Daddy's emo too?

**Mountainlion3: **No it does not!

**Crazy4twilight is signing on.**

**Iloveedward12: **Who the heck is Crazy4twilight?

**Crazy4twilight: **YES! I finally hacked into this chatroom!

**Mountainlion3: **WHAT! You What!

**Crazy4twilight: **CRUD! TMI!

**LoveWolves12: **What does TMI mean?

**Beautifullyblond2: **It means Too Much Information.

**Mountainlion3: **Can't I tell my daughter anything anymore!

**Iloveedward12: **Don't you remember what your therapist said to do when you got angry?

**Mountainlion3: **But I don't want to!

**Iloveedward12: **Do what you're told Edward.

**Mountainlion3: **Okay. *sniffle* :-(

**Mountainlion3 is signing off.**

**Crazy4twilight: **What did his therapist tell him to do? Wait, I didn't know Edward had a therapist! It didn't say anything in the books.

**Iloveedward12: **Well, he told him to watch Hello Kitty videos until he calmed down. Wait WHAT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN "BOOKS"!

**Crazy4twilight: **Um…..long story.

**Bigandbad09: **Beep be-beep beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!

**Beautifullyblond2: **Emmett? What are you doing?

**Bigandbad09: **I'm singing to Jesse McCartney's song Leaving!

**Crazy4twilight: **I love that song!

**Bigandbad09: **Awesome! It's time for……Karaoke!

**Born2bwild is signing on.**

**Born2bwild: **Hey guys! What's up?

**LoveWolves6: **_No! Jacob! Get away from this place!_

**Bigandbad09 and Crazy4twilight:**

_**Mmmm!**_

_**Hey baby girl I've been watching you all day!**_

_**Man, I think to have you is amazing!**_

_**You make me want to take you out and let it rain!**_

_**I know you got a man but this is what you should say.**_

_**Why don't you tell him that, "I'm leaving, never to come back again!"?**_

_**You've found somebody who does it better than he can.**_

_**No more making you cry.**_

_**No more gray skies.**_

_**Girl, we're flying on G5, G5.**_

_**And we're leaving, never to come back again.**_

_**So call him shorty, and tell him you found a new man.**_

_**Don't want it so fly.**_

_**Don't want to make it so high.**_

_**Have me singing all night, night, night.**_

_**Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh!**_

_**Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh!**_

_**Now if I talk it girl you know I'm going to walk it out.**_

**LoveWolves6: **STOP! STOP RIGHT NOW!

**Born2bwild: **My ears! They're _BLEEDING_!

**LoveWolves6: **I'm coming sweetie!

**LoveWolves6 is signing out.**

**Born2bwild is signing out.**

**Beautifullyblond2: **Serves the dog right. *humph*

**Iloveedward12: **Don't treat your nephew-in-law like that. Oh, crud!

**Crazy4twilight: **I know how you feel, Bella. Trust me, I know. *shakes head in disappointment*

**Beautifullyblond2: **WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ISABELLA MARIE CULLEN?

**Iloveedward12: **…..

**Beautifullyblond2: **I know you're there Bella!

**Crazy4twilight: **Oh snap! OOH! This is so much better than cable! Wait! I need popcorn! *rushes downstairs quickly*

**Architect2b is signing on.**

**Architect2b: **Hello children. Who's your new friend?

**Crazy4twilight: ***quickly rushes back, gasping*Hi Esme! I'm-

**Beautifullyblond2: **Why is Bella talking about me being that dog's….._aunt!?_

**Architect2b: **Oh, you heard about that. Bella, would you please explain to her?

**Iloveedward12: **Jacob finally……proposed.

**Beautifullyblond2: **_What the-_

**Architect2b: **Hey! What did I tell you about cussing?

**Beautifullyblond2: **Loose lips sink ships. *quietly mumbles to herself* I'm signing out!

**Beautifullyblond2 is signing out.**

**Crazy4twilight:** Anyway, before Rosalie rudely interrupted, I'm Kayla!

**Architect2b: **It's very nice to meet you virtually!

**Crazy4twilight: **It's so cool to meet the actual Twilight characters!

**Architect2b: **Not to be rude or anything but, excuse me?

**Crazy4twilight: **You see, Stephenie Meyer, created four books all about vamp-

**Coldplaylover629 is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight: **NO!!

**Coldplaylover629: **Kayla! Dinner's ready!

**Crazy4twilight: **Get off the computer Aubrey! Wait, how'd you get in here?!

**Coldplaylover629: **I'm completely ignoring what you just said. Dinner's ready!

**Crazy4twilight: **GET OFF!

**Coldplaylover629: **Touchy, touchy……DINNER'S READY!

**Crazy4twilight: **Fine. *mumbling to herself*

**Crazy4twilight is signing off.**

**Coldplaylover629 is signing off.**

**Iloveedward12: **So, where does that leave us?

**Architect2b: **Dance party?

**Iloveedward12: **I'll go get Edward!

**Iloveedward12 is signing off.**

**Architect2b: **Shake, shake, shake, shake, sh-shake it!

**Architect2b is signing off.**

**Bigandbad09: **Hey! Why'd everyone have to leave me alone! Hmm. Since everyone is gone……

**Born2bwild is signing on.**

**Born2bwild: **Thank goodness for Renesmee! Hey Emmett! What the….

**Bigandbad09: **I love you Barney! *hugs his stuffed Barney* let's sing your song!I love you! You love me! We're a happy family! With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you! Won't you say you love me too?

**Born2bwild: **No freaking way**! **My EARS! They're bleeding again! RENESMEE!!!

**Coldplaylover629 is signing on.**

**Born2bwild: **Who are you?

**Coldplaylover629:** I'm Aubrey. Kayla's sister, DUH!

**Born2bwild: **Oh no you didn't girlfriend! *snap* Excuse me snooty but I wasn't here when you signed in!

**Coldplaylover629: **Don't call me snooty Mr. Booty! Ha! That's right. I said it.

**Born2bwild: **Emmett, who the heck is this girl?

**Bigandbad09: **She's Kayla's sister duh!

**Born2bwild: **Not you too!

**Bigandbad09: **Oh yes I did. She's one of my friends now. I meant Kayla. So I stand by her sister. Plus we both like to annoy our siblings!

**Born2bwild: **I need to get Renesmee!

**LoveWolves6 is signing on.**

**Born2bwild: **Renesmee! Aubrey's being mean to me!

**LoveWolves6:** Oh wow! Finally someone who can PO Jacob! Virtual high-five! *Pretends to high-five*

**Coldplaylover629: ***Pretends to high-five back* Yeah! Now we can be BFFs!

**Born2bwild: **I thought you were on my side! How could you want to PO me!

**LoveWolves6: **It's okay Jacob. I'm sorry but the look on your face…..*giggles*

**Born2bwild:** I'm outta here!

**Born2bewild is signing off.**

**LoveWolves6: **I didn't mean it that bad! Oh well, see you later Aubrey!

**LoveWolves6 is signing off.**

**Mountainlion3 is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight: **Hey Edward?

**Mountainlion3: **Yeah?

**Crazy4twilight: **I have a friend who would love to meet you!

**Mountainlion3: **I didn't know I had fans!

**Crazy4twilight: **You don't know the half of it.

**TEAMxEDWARD123 is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight: **I told you I could hack into their chatroom!

**TEAMxEDWARD123:**……

**Crazy4twilight: **Lucy? Are you okay?

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Edward freaking CULLEN!

**Crazy4twilight: **Calm it down! My sister's here!

**Coldplaylover629: **Forget it! I'm out of here! I don't want ATTACK OF THE FAN GIRL!

**Coldplaylover629 is signing out.**

**Crazy4twilight: **Okay Lucy. If you're going to hyperventilate, go to another chatroom for a while.

**TEAMxEDWARD123 is signing out. (Regretfully!)**

**Bigandbad09: **Hey! If Edward had fans, don't I have any?

**Crazy4twilight: **Yes you do. But Edward and Jacob have the most votes.

**Bigandbad09: **The dog has more votes than _me!_

**Crazy4twilight: **Okay Emmett. Sign out before I have Leah steal your Barney doll.

**Bigandbad09: **Okay, how did you know about that? Never mind. *mutters under his breath* And Barney is an action figure!

**Crazy4twilight: **They all say that! *rolls eyes*

**Bigandbad09 is signing out.**

**Crazy4twilight: **Did Alice have a vision of me?

**Mountainlion3: **Yes. What's wrong?

**Crazy4twilight: **SHE'S COMING TO DRESS ME UP IN PINK! SAVE ME!!!

**Crazy4twilight is signing out.**

**Mountainlion3: **Bella, are you okay? You've been silent this whole time.

**Iloveedward12 is signing out.**

**Mountainlion3: **Oh c'mon!

**Mountainlion3 is signing out.**

**A/N Seriously, I'm kind of subconscious of pink. Anyway, is it okay? Should I tell the Cullens' about the Twilight books? R&R!!!!**


	2. Jasper is a Dipstick

**As promised, the second chapter. Thanks to the only person who reviewed this! I LOVE EVERYBODY WHO READS MY STORIES!!!**

**The next day……**

**TEAMxEDWARD123 is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight: **Dang that math test was a whopper!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **You mean the hamburger?

**Crazy4twilight: ***slaps hand to forehead* No. I meant: it was very hard.

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Oh. *cell-phone rings* *she picks it up* NO FREAKING WAY! *more talking from the other line* NO FREAKING WAY!

**Crazy4twilight: **What?

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Robert Pattinson is doing the soulja boy dance!

**Crazy4twilight: **How could you stand watching _that_!?

**Mountainlion3 is signing on.**

**Mountainlion3: **Bella won't talk to me, Alice is gone, Jasper and Emmett are going to Canada, Carlisle and Esme are on their hundredth honeymoon, and Rosalie is in Paris shopping! WHY DID EVERYONE WANT TO LEAVE ME!!!

**Crazy4twilight: **Calm down Edward. Go watch your *giggles* Hello Kitty videos. *laughs really hard*

**Mountainlion3: **Bella used to tell me that. *cries without tears*

**Crazy4twilight: **Speaking of Alice, she's at my house.

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Hey! How come you didn't tell me Alice was at your house? I thought you were my friend!

**TEAMxEDWARD123 and Mountainlion3: ***sob* *cry* *sob*

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **It's okay Edward. I'm here for you.

**Mountainlion3: **Are you Bella? *sniffle*

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Well…… technically no. But I'm still here for you!

**Mountainlion3: **Who exactly is this girl Kayla?

**Crazy4twilight: **She is a fellow twilighter, just like me!

**Mountainlion3: **Somehow, I don't find that very pleasing……

**Hale23 is signing on.**

**Hale23: **Hello Edward. Hello what's-your-names.

**Crazy4twilight: **Its Kayla and Lucy you dipstick.

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Get it right!

**Hale23: **Well excuse me girlfriends! I just happen to be older and more mature.

**Mountainlion3, Crazy4twilight, and TEAMxEDWARD123: **Oh _really?_

**Hale23: **Yeah. Plus, you can't prove that you're more mature than me. Besides, how _could_ you prove it?

**Crazy4twilight: **By doing this: _OOH! The ice cream man! The ice cream man!_

**Hale23: **Must. Refuse. Ice cream! NEVER MIND! Gimme, gimme, gimme!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Who knew Jasper liked ice cream.

**Mountainlion3: **HEY JASPER! Why do you like something you can't even eat?!

**Hale23: **It's skin renewal! See! *rubs ice cream on his belly*

**Crazy4twilight: **Aw! That is _so _wrong! Who knew Alice married a total dipstick! Aw, stop it Jasper! You're making me sick, sick to the core! *rushes to the bathroom*

**Mountainlion3: **I've seen you do crazy things, Jasper, but this has crossed the line! *rushes over to Canada to beat up Jasper*

**Mountainlion3 is signing off.**

**Crazy4twilight: **You need a therapist! AW! SICK! JUST! CRUD!

**Crazy4twilight is signing off.**

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Jasper, I have five reasons why that was wrong.

Ice cream on the belly, WHAT THE HECK!!

I thought you were better than that!

Alice does not deserve a chump like you.

EDWARD'S HOTTER THAN YOU!

And did I mention……EDWARD'S HOTTER THAN YOU!

I am sick to be in the same room as you virtually. *deletes all pictures of Jasper* I'm outta here! SUCKA!!

**TEAMxEDWARD123 is signing out.**

**Hale23: **Dear Diary,

Today, everybody hates me. I made a poem about it too:

I love ice cream

But these girl's are on Edward's team

I rubbed the stuff on my belly

But the girl's think it's jelly

Life is so cruel

That's why I have my friend, MULE.

The world knows nothing.

Something, something, something, something, something!

It's pretty awesome isn't it diary?......What was that?.......You hate it?!.......You think I'm a dipstick too!.......Well fine diary! I've always hated you. I'm sorry, but……I'm breaking up with you! *diary rushes out of the front door happy* *Jasper hits his head on the wall several times*

**Beautifullyblond2 is signing on.**

**Beautifullyblond2: **Jasper, you need to re-think your life. Everybody hates you, including me.

**Iloveedward12 is changing their name to IloveRobPatz31.**

**IloveRobPatz31: **Do you like my new name?

**Hale23: **Can I have ice cream?

**IloveRobPatz31: **You can't eat that you know.

**Hale23: **I use it for skin renewal DUH! *rubs it on his belly, again*

**Beautifullyblond2: **I didn't know you could stoop _that_ low! I'm getting Alice!!

**Totallyshopping9 is signing on.**

**Totallyshopping9: **Jasper! I've missed you so much!

**Hale23: **I missed you too! Do you think ice cream is cool?

**Totallyshopping9: **Yeah……why?

**Hale23: **Cause I use it for skin renewal!!! *rubs it on his face*

**Totallyshopping9: **JASPER WHITLOCK HALE!!!! How could you? I married a freak show!! I'm going to date Nahuel!!

**Totallyshopping9 is signing off.**

**Beautifullyblond2: **See. Even your wife thinks you're a dipstick.

**IloveRobPatz31: **I feel the same way about Edward. He already has his _fans_. I'm dating Robert Pattinson! He looks like Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter!!

**Beautifullyblond2: **I wouldn't give Emmett away for the world.

**Hale23: **OOH! A stuffed bunny for me!!

**Beautifullyblond2: **GIVE IT TO ME!!!

**Hale23: **Fine……you have to give up something worthless to me.

**Beautifullyblond2: **Okay, you can have Emmett! GIVE ME THE BUNNY!!!

**Hale23: ***throws the stuffed bunny at Rosalie*

**Beautifullyblond2: **YES! SO SOFT AND PLUSHY!

**IloveRobPatz31: **I'm going to glue a mirror to the bottom of the pool for no apparent reason!!

**Hale23: **Hey! Wait for me!

**IloveRobPatz31: ***glues the mirror to the bottom of the pool* YAY! WE DID IT!

**Beautifullyblond2: **MIRROR!! Must……look….at…..self!!!!!!! *rushes to the pool*

**Beautifullyblond2 is signing off.**

**LoveWolves6 is signing on.**

**LoveWolves6: **Well, Jacob's ears are better. He'll be deaf for the rest of the week though.

**Born2bwild is signing on.**

**Hale23: **Jacob stinks like a dog!!!

**LoveWolves6: **I said he was deaf not blind!

**Hale23: **…..

**Born2bwild: **I heard that Jasper!

**Hale23: **I thought you were deaf!

**Born2bwild: **Well, yeah. I am deaf, but my eye sight is fine!

**IloveRobPatz31: **Jasper, go sing Rihanna's new song Disturbia. It explains you so well.

**Hale23: **Fine. I really don't see why it relates to me.

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**What's wrong with me?**_

_**Why do I feel like this?**_

_**I'm going crazy now**_

**LoveWolves6: **Mom, you are right. This song explains Uncle Jasper so much.

**Hale23: **Shh!

_**No more gas in the rig, (can't even get it started)**_

_**Nothing heard, nothing said, (can't even wanna speak about it)**_

_**I'm alive in my head, (don't wanna think about it)**_

_**Feels like I'm going insane yeah**_

_**It's a thief in the night to come and grab you**_

_**It can creep up inside you and consume you**_

_**A disease of the mind, it can control you**_

_**It's too close for comfort**_

_**Put on your brake lights**_

_**We're in the city of wonder**_

_**Ain't gonna play nice**_

_**Watch out you might just go under**_

_**Better think twice**_

_**Your train of thought will be altered**_

_**So if you must faulter be wise**_

_**Your mind is in disturbia**_

_**It's like the darkness is the light**_

_**(Disturbia) Am I scaring you tonight**_

_**(Disturbia) Ain't used to what you like**_

_**(Disturbia, disturbia)**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Faded pictures on the wall (it's like they're talking to me)**_

_**Disconnection all your calls (your phone don't even ring)**_

_**I gotta get out or figure this….. this……thing out!**_

_**It's too close for comfort**_

_**It's a thief in the night to come and grab you**_

_**It can creep up inside you and consume you**_

_**A disease of the mind, it can control you**_

_**I feel like a monster**_

_**Put on your brake lights**_

_**We're in the city of wonder**_

_**Ain't gonna play nice**_

_**Watch out you just might go under**_

_**Better think twice**_

_**Your train of thought will be altered**_

_**So if you must faulter be wise**_

_**Your mind is in disturbia**_

_**It's like the darkness is the light**_

_**(Disturbia) Am I scaring you tonight**_

_**(Disturbia) Ain't used to what you like**_

_**(Disturbia, disturbia)**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Release me from this curse I'm in**_

_**Try to maintain, but I'm strapping in**_

_**If you can't go, uh, uh, uh, uh-oh**_

_**Think I'm gonna uh, uh, uh, uh-oh**_

_**Put on your brake lights**_

_**We're in the city of wonder**_

_**Ain't gonna play nice**_

_**Watch out you just might go under**_

_**Better think twice**_

_**Your train of thought will be altered**_

_**So if you must faulter be wise**_

_**Your mind is in disturbia**_

_**It's like the darkness is the light**_

_**(Disturbia) Am I scaring you tonight**_

_**(Disturbia) Ain't used to what you like**_

_**(Disturbia, disturbia) **_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

_**Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum**_

**Born2bwild: **That was beautiful.

**LoveWolves6: **Jacob?

**Born2bwild: **Yes?

**LoveWolves6: **Shut up. You're deaf remember?

**Born2bwild is signing off.**

**IloveRobPatz31: **I used to love that song! Now……I HATE IT!!!

**IloveRobPatz31 is signing off.**__

**LoveWolves6: **Jasper, Jasper, Jasper! Kayla told me everything that happened. I WANT NAHUEL TO BE MY UNCLE!!!!

**LoveWolves6 is signing off.**

**Hale23: **Hey! Emmett still likes me!

**Bigandbad09: **I'm not your friend anymore Jasper. Rosalie told me everything. GOOD BYE!

**Bigandbad09 is signing off.**

**Hale23: **DADDY!!! *whines to Carlisle* *gets a slap from Carlisle* I hate my life.

**Hale23 is signing off.**

**A/N Review please.**


	3. YOU'RE IN A BOOK!

**Sorry it took so long. FYI, I use a whole lot of caps in this one.**

**The next day….**

**Crazy4twilight is signing on.**

**Mountainlion3 is signing on.**

**Mountianlion3: **I had to move back in to the house. Bella kicked me out of 'her' cottage.

**Crazy4twilight: **Ouch. You okay?

**Mountainlion3: **Yeah. I got it all out of my system a long time ago.

**Crazy4twilight: **You weren't looking through old pictures of you two together, playing sad love songs, and watching bad soap operas weren't you?

**Mountianlion3: **…No…why would you think that? *bites fingernails*

**Crazy4twilight: **You didn't!

**Mountainlion3: **Well…yeah. That's what I did.

**Crazy4twilight: **It's okay. I've done it before.

**Mountainlion3: **Really?

**Crazy4twilight: **HECK NO! I DO NOT COPY SAPPY MOVIES!

**TEAMxEDWARD123 is signing on.**

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **I just got away from Jasper. He's set on having 'Team Jasper.' He's been begging at my door for an hour!

**Crazy4twilight: **Aw. Jasper's trying to win your love Lucy!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **I do have them begging at my feet. *looks at her fingernails dignifiedly*

**Crazy4twilight: **You might be tacking Hale to your name instead of 'Mrs. Edward Cullen'!

**Mountainlion3: **Excuse me?!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **OOH KAYLA! YOU'LL _PAY_!

**Crazy4twilight: **Good luck Edward!

**Crazy4twilight is signing out.**

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **I've got a plan Edward! We'll pretend we're together and make Bella jealous! Rob looks so yummy!

**Mountainlion3: **I like everything you said, except for the part about Robert Pattinson. He's not even cool.

**Crazy4twilight is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight: **Lucy…I think we should tell them.

**Mountainlion3: **Tell us what?

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **You mean it?

**Mountainlion3: **WHAT!?

**Crazy4twilight: **Edward, could you get all of the Cullen's here?

**Mountainlion3: **What about Bella? She hates me!

**Crazy4twilight: **Do what you're told.

**Mountainlion3: **Fine. *calls to everybody*

**Beautifullyblond2 is signing on.**

**Bigandbad09 is signing on.**

**DoctorLove5 is signing on.**

**LoveWolves6 is signing on.**

**Architect2b is signing on.**

**Hale23 is signing on.**

**Totallyshopping9 is signing on.**

**IloveRobPatz31 is signing on.**

**Mountainlion3: **I'm utterly disgusted by Bella's screen name. HOW COULD SHE!?

**Crazy4twilight: ***sigh* Let's not talk about this right now. Get Jacob too.

**Born2bwild is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight: **I have all brought you together because…Lucy and I have a confession to make.

**Bigandbad09: **Now I've got a confession. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

**Crazy4twilight: **I'm sorry to say this but…not right now Emmett.

**Bigandbad09: **Later?

**Crazy4twilight: **Heck yeah!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Get to the point.

**Crazy4twilight: **Fine. Okay, now we've got a confession. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **NEVER MIND! I'll do it. Have you ever heard of Twilight?

**Born2bwild: **Yeah…we just don't bother to read it.

**Crazy4twilight: **Well, that's good in one way. You don't know about it.

**DoctorLove5: **We don't know about what?

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **You don't know that…YOU'RE IN A FREAKING AWESOME BOOK! *throws book at them*

**Mountainlion3: ***catches book* What do you mean!?

**Crazy4twilight: **Stephenie Meyer created four books all about vampires! Specifically the romance between Edward Cullen and Bella Swan!

**Mountainlion3: **GIVE ME THE OTHER BOOKS!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: ***throws three more books*

**Mountainlion3: **Which one does Renesmee come in?

**Crazy4twilight: **Breaking Dawn.

**LoveWolves6: ***grabs Breaking Dawn* OOH! I wanna read it!

**Mountainlion3: ***grabs it back* You are not going to read that.

**LoveWolves6: **WHY NOT!?

**Mountainlion3: **There are some things Mommy and Daddy don't want you to read about their personal life.

**LoveWolves6: **You guys got another copy?

**Crazy4twilight: **Here, borrow mine! *throws another book*

**LoveWolves6: **Yes!

*catches book*

*opens up to random page*

*turns white*

*throws it back*

**Crazy4twilight: ***catches book* What?!

**LoveWolves6: **AW SICK! MOMMY AND DADDY ARE KISSING!

**Mountainlion3: **I told you so.

**LoveWolves6: **I told you so has a brother Daddy. *pauses for dramatic effect* His name is shut up.

**Mountainlion3: **She's just like her mom. *rolls eyes*

**IloveRobPatz31: **Continue on. *glares at Edward*

**Crazy4twilight: **And…there are teams!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **That's why my screen name is TEAM EDWARD!!

**Crazy4twilight: **There's three teams: Edward, Jacob, and Switzerland.

**Born2bwild: **WHAT!? I'M A FREAKING TEAM!!?

**Crazy4twilight: **Well duh! Why would I even say it if it wasn't true? I'm on Team Switzerland.

**Architect2b: **What does that mean, dear?

**Crazy4twilight: **I LOVE THEM BOTH!!!! I RUN WITH VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES/SHAPE-SHIFTERS!!!

**Hale23: **I'm off to find Stephenie Meyer! I WANT TEAM JASPER!!!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **There are already people who want you Jasper.

**Hale23: **YAY!! AND YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!! ONWARD MINION!!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **I'm not your freaking minion. I _will_ be Edward's minion though!

**Mountainlion3: **I think I'll pass….

**Crazy4twilight: **AND…THERE'S A MOVIE!!! Robert Pattinson plays Edward, Kristen Stewart plays Bella, and Jacob is played by Taylor Lautner!!!

**Bigandbad09: **WHAT ABOUT ME?!

**Crazy4twilight: **Kellen Lutz. He doesn't have curly hair though. HE HAS A BUZZ CUT!

**Mountainlion3: **YES! I CAN FINALLY MAKE FUN OF YOUR HAIR!!!

**Bigandbad09: **Not so fast bro. ROBERT PATTERSON'S HAIR GOES ALL FLIPPITY-FLIP!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **It's Robert Pattinson! I AM OFFENDED! HIS HAIR IS A LOVELY BROWN WITH HIGHLIGHTS!

**Crazy4twilight: **His freaking hair is a stiff fro-hawk for crying out loud!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **A BEAUTIFULL ONE! ONE WITH SO MUCH GEL AND SPARKLNESS!

**Crazy4twilight: **O…kay….*steps away from the computer, afraid*

**Mountainlion3: ***reads someone's random thoughts* YOU HAVE REALLY HURT ME BELLA! HOW COULD YOU?!

**IloveRobPatz31 is signing out.**

**Crazy4twilight: **That was all. You may all resume whatever crud you were doing.

**Totallyshopping9: **SHOPPING IS NOT CRUD! IT IS HOLINESS!

**Crazy4twilight: **NO IT IS NOT! TWILIGHT IS!

**Architect2b: **I suggest we all log off.

**LoveDoctor5: **YAY ESME! YOU LIGHT ALL OF OUR LIVES!

**Architect2b: **We still have our honeymoon. LET'S GO BACK!!!

**LoveDoctor5: **YES MA'AM!! *salutes to Esme*

**Bigandbad09: **I'm going to read Twilight. I want to know what my little sister and little brother have been doing.

**Crazy4twilight: **COOLIO! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU READ!

**Bigandbad09: **OOH! CHAPTER ONE: FIRST SIGHT!

**A/N WILL CONTINUE! REVIEW PLEASE!!!**


	4. OMG THE TWILIGHT MOVIE!

**A/N Me: THE FOLLOWING EVENTS HAVE ACTUALLY HAPPENED.**

**Random Person: Not really.**

**Me: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GET OUT!**

**Random Person: I know your weakness. . .**

**Me: Oh yeah?**

**Random Person: *nods and takes out a picture of Miley Cyrus***

**Me: NO! IT BURNS! (Sorry for all you Miley Cyrus lovers.)**

_**Last time . . . **_

_**Bigandbad09: **__OOH! CHAPTER ONE: FIRST SIGHT!_

**Crazy4twilight: **READ IT READ IT!!!!!!!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **YEAH! DO IT EM!

**Bigandbad09: **OKEE DOKEE! *takes a big breath*

**DoctorLove5: **Not yet Emmett. We must send a strong-worded letter to Stephenie Meyer, saying we do not like our privacy corrupted.

**Bigandbad09: ***huffs breath back out* OH C'MON!

_**Several weeks later. . .**_

**LoveDoctor5 is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight: **So how did the meeting with Stephenie Meyer go?

**LoveDoctor5: **She fell asleep after the first sentence.

**Crazy4twilight: **In other words,it didn't go well.

**LoveDoctor5: **Pretty much.

**Crazy4twilight: **What WAS the first sentence?

**LoveDoctor6: **It was: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. (Note: This is translated to something everyone can actually understand.)

**Crazy4twilight: ***starts snoring*

**TEAMxEDWARD123 is signing on.**

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **I've just had the greatest idea EVER!

**Crazy4twilight: ***snoring cuts off*What now?

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **WE SHOULD ALL WATCH THE MOVIE!

**Crazy4twilight: **I like your thinking. . .

**Architect2b is signing on.**

**IloveRobPatz31 is signing on.**

**Mountainlion3 is signing on.**

**Beautifullyblond2 is signing on.**

**LoveWolves6 is signing on.**

**Born2bwild is signing on.**

**Bigandbad09 is signing on.**

**Hale23 is signing on.**

**Totallyshopping9 is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight: **Well that was oddly convenient.

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **Everyone's here!WHO WANTS TO WATCH YOUR MOVIE?!

**Architect2b: **Certainly.

**Mountainlion3: ***reads everyone's mind except Bella* AW EMMETT AND HIS DIRTY MIND! Sorry, and yes I would like to see it.

**Bigandbad09: **Who said you had to listen? I WANNA SEE IT!

**Mountainlion3: **I don't want to know what Rosalie looks like in a-

**Bigandbad09: **STOP! STOP BEFORE EVERYONE KNOWS!

**LoveWolves6: **TURNIPS! THEY'RE CHASING ME! Anywayz, I wanna see it too!

**Born2bwild: **I WILL SAVE YOU BABY! *poses like a super hero and eats off the turnips* Count me in!

**Hale23: **Ice cream . . . my precious . . . I want to see how handsome my actor looks like.

**Totallyshopping9: **I need to comment on their clothing especially my actor. Anyway, BELLA! HOW COULD YOU!? WE WERE GOING TO PLAY BARBIE BELLA TODAY!

**IloveRobPatz31: **I do not follow your orders Alice. And I'd like to see the movie too.

**Totallyshopping9: ***puppy dog face*

**IloveRobPatz31: **That doesn't work anymore.

**Totallyshopping9: ***gets even cuter*

**IloveRobPatz31: **Must. . .resist. . .face. . .

**Totallyshopping9: ***whines*

**IloveRobPatz31: **I CAN'T TAKE IT! ARGH! ALRIGHT ALICE! AFTER THE MOVIE! *curls up in the corner and rocks back and forth* It's over, it's over, it's all over. . .

**Totallyshopping9: **Works every time.

**Hale23: **Trust me. . .I know. . .

**Beautifullyblond2: **I'm going too- *sees a reflection of herself* Ahhh . . .

**LoveDoctor5: **Rosalie? Snap out of it.

**Beautifullyblond2: **What was that? Sorry I just saw the most beautiful person in the world. I'm going to watch the movie too.

**Crazy4twilight: **YAY! Everybody's said yes! ^-^

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **ON WITH THE SHOW! *shoves disc in*

**Crazy4twilight: ***anxiously waits for computer screen to show the first scene*

**TEAMxEDWARD123: ***disc pops out* Okay, we're going to do this the easy way, OR THE HARD WAY! *shoves it back in* *pops out* *shoves it in harder* *pops it back out* OH!

_**Several hours later. . .**_

**TEAMxEDWARD123: ***immersed in a battle of shoving and popping back out*

**Crazy4twilight: ***struggling to not shout* . . . *is failing* OKAY! THAT'S IT! I'LL DO IT MYSELF! *shoves own disc in*

**Your movie: **_**Twilight**_** will now be played.**

**Crazy4twilight: **FINALLY!

_**After most of the pure awesomeness . . .**_

**Bigandbad09: **Darnedcredits, shoot. *starts reaching for end button*

**Crazy4twilight: **NO!!!!!!

**Bigandbad09: **What?

**Crazy4twilight: **ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS IS ON THE CREDITS!

**Bigandbad09: **OOH! KAROAKE?! *jumps up and down*

**Crazy4twilight: **HECK YEAH!

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **I WANNA SING TOO!

**Crazy4twilight and TEAMxEDWARD123: **

_**How can I decide what's right,**_

_**When you're clouding up my mind?**_

_**I can't win your losing fight all the time.**_

_**Now can I ever own what's mine?**_

**Bigandbad09: **

_**How can I decide what's . . . yours,**_

_**When you're reading . . . my mind?**_

_**I can't lose your winning fight . . .**_

_**Um . . . all the time.**_

_**Now can I ever**_

I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THIS SONG! *runs away screaming*

**Bigandbad09 is signing out.**

**Beautifullyblond2: **Aw, Edward. It's all your fault!

**Mountainlion3: **Why is it mine?!

**Beautifullyblond2: **Because I said so.

**Beautifullyblond2 is signing off.**

**Mountainlion3: ***face-palms himself*

**A/N Are you interested in this fanfic? You have the chance to BE IN IT! All you have to do is review this chapter, and I'll write everyone's name down. I'll PM you if you win. Then we can consult each other on what the next, next chapter will be! Why the next, next? You will find out . . .**


	5. TCAJPC Awards!

**A/N I'm sorry this isn't an actual chapter. BUT THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! I have decided to give out awards to the characters here and other things too! They're called the TCAJPC Awards! PM me your votes! I don't want other people to be peeking at everyone's answer! These will be held now and again.**

**Here are the nominees:**

**Funniest Person:**

**Lucy**

**Jasper**

**Emmett**

**ME!**

**Best Pairing:**

**Alice/Nahuel**

**Jasper/Ice Cream**

**Jacob/Renesmee**

**Edward/Bella**

**Best Chapter So Far:**

**Crazy4twilight hacks in**

**Jasper the Dipstick**

**YOU'RE IN A FREAKING AWESOME BOOK**

**OMG THE TWILIGHT MOVIE**

**Best Person Overall:**

**Edward**

**Jacob**

**Ice Cream**

**Lucy**

**ME!**

**Emmett**

**Rosalie**

**Bella**

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**My Sister**

**Strangest Person:**

**Edward**

**Jasper**

**Emmett**

**The Greatest Pair of Friends**

**ME! And Lucy**

**Edward and Jacob**

**Ice Cream and Jasper**


	6. MJ IS DEAD! And she needs to be WHAT!

**A/N I am SO sorry! Anyway, the winner was: Jacob Black . . . Ooft Phhtt. And his/her screen name is: Jacob Black . . . Ooft Phhtt. BIG SURPRISE! Oh, this intercedes with my new chatroom, Volterra IMing! So you have to read the first chapter in that to fully understand this chappie! Oh, and Jacob Black . . . Ooft Phhtt, don't be mad at me if I do something with your charrie that you don't like, cuz I DON'T KNOW! Sorry, it's already out! Oh, and this is an important announcement: NOT MANY PEOPLE VOTED ON THE TCAJPC AWARDS! SO, if you check out the fifth chapter, you can VOTE! PM or e-mail me your votes. Also, you know Lucy? She's my imaginary friend, and apparently she loves Edward so all you stalker people, STALKERS, STALKERS GO AWAY! COME AGAIN . . . NEVER! And, unfortunately, Tanya comes in on this one.**

**Tanya: BarbieGirl24 (isn't it true to her heart?)**

**The moment most of you have been waiting for, (turnips hate me because Jacob ate their relatives) is finally here! Oh, and for people who don't like this fic cuz it's OOC, I only did this for fun. If you don't like it, stop reading!**

**Crazy4Twilight:** It's okay, Edward. We all know that Rosalie hates you.

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **WHAT?! I didn't!

**Crazy4twilight: **. . .Seriously, Lucy . . . OH MAN! I gotta go for a sec!

**Crazy4twilight is signing off.**

**(She went to Volterra IMing, just saying . . .)**

**Mountainlion3:** Dang it. She got away fast enough that I couldn't read her mind.

**TEAMxEDWARD123:** OH CRUDIO! THIS IS SO FUNNY! SNEEZING PANDA!

**Mountainlion3:** *reads Lucy's mind* IT'S SO CUTE! Wait, crudio?

**TEAMxEDWARD123: **I KNOW!

**Hale23:** *is seen licking his foot and turns head around slowly* DON'TLOOKATME! *turns back to licking foot*

**Mountainlion3:** O . . . kay . . . *steps away from Jasper*

**Bigandbad09 is signing on.**

**Bigandbad09:** I'M BEING SUCKED INTO AN INTERNET WORMHOLE! HEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP MEEEEE!!!!!!!! *is sucked away*

**Bigandbad09 is signing off.**

**(Emmett is okay, he just appears in Volterra IMing. NO BIG BUFF GUYS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS FANFIC!)**

**Architect2b:** Oh, dear. Should we go fetch Emmett?

**Everyone except Architect2b:** Naw.

**Crazy4twilight is signing on.**

**Crazy4twilight: ***groans* Carlisle? Can I ask a favor?

**Doctorlove5:** That depends . . .

**Crazy4twilight:** I was afraid you'd say that.

**TEAMxEDWARD123:** Really?

**Crazy4twilight:** No, they just always say that in movies.

**Doctorlove5:** What do you need, Kayla?

**Crazy4twilight:** Um . . . could you . . . ? Maybe . . . ?

**Several hours later . . . (everybody except Crazy4twilight and Doctorlove5 have signed off)**

**Crazy4twilight: **Er, um . . .

**Doctorlove5: **SPIT IT OUT!

**Crazy4twilight:** THEVOLTURIAREGONNAKILLMEIFI'MNOTAVAMPIREBYTOMORROW! SOYOUHAVETOTURNMEINTOONESOIDON'THAVETODIE! Well, actually not _die_ technically . . . was that too fast?

**Doctorlove5:** Nope. WITH MY ULTRA SUPER VAMPIRIC POWERS, I CAN HEAR ANYTHING! *poses like a super hero* So you need to be changed, big deal. *randomly flips hand in the air and snorts* I CAN DO THAT!

**Crazy4twilight:** Well so can most other veggie vamps you know. And I know one who can't. *cough* Jasper *cough*

**Doctorlove5:** BUT I DISCOVERED IT! SO HA! IN YOUR FACE TANYA!

**Architect2b is signing on.**

**Architect2b:** Carlisle, dear. Tanya just wanted to give you a message. She says: WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID CARLISLE?!! Thank you. This message was brought to you by: AIR FRESHNER! It helps when you pass gas!

**Architect2b is signing off.**

**Doctorlove5:** *le gasp* She's listening in on us . . . Um . . . LET'S DO A PRANK! Hey, Kayla? Did you know Edward's single?

**Crazy4twilight:** Yes, actually.

**BarbieGirl24 is signing on.**

**BarbieGirl24:** EDWARD'S SINGLE!? COME HERE BIG BOY! *whistles*

**Crazy4twilight:** Please don't tell me Tanya's bringing her flirtatious talk _here_.

**Everyone else signs on 'cause they're bored.**

**Mountainlion3:** I thought I heard my name. Oh, well. Good b-

**BarbieGirl24:** EDWARD! *shrieks pitifully* Come here sailor boy. Mama's got a treat for you.

**Crazy4twilight and TEAMxEDWARD123:** *struggling not to laugh* . . . *is failing* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**(I give the '*struggling not to laugh* . . . *is failing* to Twilight Junkies Club cuz I got it from them. THANK YOU GUYS FOR LETTING ME USE IT!!! Oh, yeah. And I got the 'Come here sailor boy. Mama's got a treat for you' from one of my other stories. *cough* Nessie's and Edward's Shopping trip And Other Tales *cough* No seriously, I'm sick.)**

**Everyone except BarbieGirl24:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *rolls on the floor*

**Hale23:** *gasping for air* THE ICE CREAM LAUGHS AT YOU! *holds up ice cream to Tanya's face*

**BarbieGirl24:** EW! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY! I'm going to faint! CATCH ME EDWARD! *falls back*

**Hale23:** The ice cream is offended.

**Mountainlion3:** *steps away from Tanya*

**BarbieGirl24:** *hits the floor* MY HAIR! MY HAIR! IT'S RUINED!

**Beautifullyblond2:** Wow. She's over-obsessed with her hair.

**Everyone except Beautifullyblond2:** Look who's talking.

**Hale23:** The ice cream says Tanya and Rosalie are vain.

**Beautifullyblond2:** Well, tell your ice cream to *waits for Tanya to finish*

**BarbieGirl24:** Go to *bleep*

**Everyone except BarbieGirl24:** *le gasp*

**Crazy4twilight:** This is supposed to be a K rated fanfic!

**Everyone except Crazy4twilight:** You're recording this?!

**Crazy4twilight:** . . . No.

**Jacob Black . . . Ooftt Phhtt is signing on.**

**Born2bwild:** Do I know this person? HOWDOTHEYKNOWMYNAME?!! ARETHEYSTALKINGME?!!

**Jacob Black . . . Ooft Phhtt:** Yes, I know you. I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.

**Born2bwild:** Um . . . 'kay . . .

**Jacob Black . . . Ooft Phhtt:** Yet I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem. But if I know you, I know what you'll do; you'll love me at once the way you did once upon a dream.

**Born2bwild:** WHAT?!

**Lovewolves6:** I THOUGHT YOU DREAMT OF ME JACOB! YOU LOVED HER BEFORE ME?! IT IS OVA! *throws engagement ring on the floor and stomps out of chatroom*

**Lovewolves6 is signing off.**

**Jacob Black . . . Ooftt Phht: **Mission accomplished.

**Jacob Black . . . Ooftt Phht is signing off.**

**Crazy4twilight:** Who . . . was that?

**Hale23:** I don't care, but I'm sure as heck I'm going to do this: KARAOKE!

**Crazy4twilight:** I KNOW A SONG! *takes a deep breath*

_**Let's get it started,**_

_**In here!**_

**Bigandbad09:**

_**And the bass keeps,**_

_**Running, running, and,**_

_**Running, running, and,**_

**Crazy4twilight and Bigandbad09:**

_**Running, running, and,**_

_**Running, running, and,**_

_**Running, running, and,**_

_**Running, running, and,**_

_**Running, running, and,**_

_**Running, running and!**_

**Hale23:**

_**In this context,**_

_**There's no disrespect.**_

_**So when I bust my rhyme,**_

_**Ya break your necks!**_

_**We got five minutes for us,**_

_**To disconnect,**_

_**From all intellect.**_

_**Collect the rhythm effect!**_

_**The losers are inefficient.**_

_**Follow your intuition.**_

_**Free your inner soul,**_

_**And break away from tradition!**_

'_**Cause when we beat out,**_

_**Girl its pullin' without.**_

_**You wouldn't believe,**_

_**How we wow . . . HIT ow!**_

_**Burn it 'till it's burned out,**_

_**Turn it 'till it's turned out.**_

_**Act up from north, west, east south!**_

**Crazy4twilight, Bigandbad09, and Hale23: **

_**Everybody!**_

**Mountainlion3:**

_**Yeah!**_

**Crazy4twilight, Bigandbad09, and Hale23:**

_**Everybody!**_

**Mountainlion3:**

_**Yeah!**_

**Crazy4twilight, Bigandbad09, and Hale23:**

_**Let's get into it!**_

_**Get stupid!**_

_**Get it started,**_

_**Get it started,**_

_**Get it started!**_

**Bigandbad09:**

_**Let's get it started!**_

**Hale23:**

_**Ha!**_

**Bigandbad09:**

_**Let's get it started in here!**_

_**Let's get it started!**_

**Hale23:**

_**Ha!**_

**Bigandbad09:**

_**Let's get it started in here, yeah!**_

**Hale23:**

_**Lose control,**_

_**Of body and soul.**_

**Crazy4twilight: **Wait . . . STOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Bigandbad09:** What?

**Crazy4twilight:** I just got a message . . . MJ is dead!!! *sniffles*

**Bigandbad09:** Oh . . . who again?

**Crazy4twilight:** C'mon Emmett. I know you know who MJ is.

**Bigandbad09:** Mary Jane Watson?

**Crazy4twilight:** I wasn't talking about Spiderman.

**Hale23:** SPIDERMAN!!!!!! *puts on Superman cape* IS IT A BIRD?! IS IT A PLANE?!

**BarbieGirl24:** No. It's The Idiot with his sidekick Ice Cream Idiot. And Spiderman's the hot spider guy in red and blue tights. Even though he's unfashionable . . . who cares, 'cause he is HAWT!

**IloveRobPatz31:** NOT IN FRONT OF NESSIE! Even though she's fully grown.

**LoveWolves6:** But Mooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy!!!

**IloveRobPatz31:** No buts, hybrid.

**LoveWolves6:** Shouldn't you say 'young lady'?

**IloveRobPatz31:** I'll say what you are, and what you are now is a hybrid. You are a hybrid, you were a hybrid when you were born, and you WILL be a hybrid in the future. JUST ACCEPT IT ALREADY! Geez, Renesmee! GET A GRIP!

**LoveWolves6:** DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMY'S BEING MEEAAAAAAAAAN!!!!

**Crazy4twilight:** ENOUGH! Michael JACKSON, Emmett! MICHAEL JACKSON!!! We should sing a Michael Jackson song. And I know just the one. . . .Nessie, would you please start with the alphabet?

**LoveWolves6:** Ohhhhh that song? OKEE DOKEE!!

_**A buh-buh buh-buh buh!**_

**Bigandbad09 and Crazy4twilight:**

_**A buh-buh buh-buh buh!**_

**LoveWolves6:**

_**You went to school to learn girl,**_

_**Things you never knew before!**_

**Crazy4twilight:**

_**Like I before E except after C!**_

**LoveWolves6:**

_**And why two plus two makes four!**_

_**Now, now, now,**_

_**I'm gonna teach you,**_

**Bigandbad09 and Crazy4twilight:**

_**Teach you, teach you,**_

**LoveWolves6:**

_**All about love, dear!**_

**Bigandbad09 and Crazy4twilight:**

_**All about love!**_

**Crazy4twilight:**

_**Sit yourself down and take a seat!**_

_**All you gotta do is repeat after me!**_

**Everyone: **

_**A B C!**_

_**Easy as 1, 2, 3!**_

_**As simple as do re mi,**_

_**A B C!**_

_**1 2 3 baby you and me girl!**_

**Crazy4twilight: **HOLD UP!! Carlisle, could you turn me into a frickin' vampire already?!

**DoctorLove5:** Oh, okay!

**A/N DUH DUH DUH DUH!!!!! Review plz!!!**


	7. SERIOUSLY Important NOTE!

I've been receiving some fairly hurtful comments.

Like I said,

Don't like, don't READ IT!!!!!!!

And if you don't have anything nice to say, go rant it out in your pillow, just don't hurt my feelings . . . I'm REALLY sensitive, 'kay?

If it's not some critique that's put NICELY, I will be crying.

In fact, I'm crying now. (I am SERIOUSLY not joking. I don't lie!)

Just, please . . . keep it to yourself. . . This IS a parody. I don't like Twilight as much as I used to. It's getting boring.

So please just . . . let me be and please be nice. I am getting very hurt right now and I've been having a bad year in general.

If you guys don't heed my warning, I'll just . . . give this up all together.

I don't want to hear it if you're not putting it nicely.

I know I suck at writing, but I don't need to hear it.

D'X

Seriously Hurt,

Author


End file.
